Ode to Grapefruit

November 11, 2006 at 7:55 pm (Uncategorized)


I woke up this morning and the first thought to enter my mind was that grapefruit is woefully underappreciated, and I needed to help remedy this situation by offering rhapsodic praise to this most perfect of all fruits. I searched for “ode to grapefruit” on google and was surprised to find that others have already composed such an ode, such as the one from this site:

O, Noble Sphere of Lustrous Yellow,
Sparking Thoughts both mild and Mellow
of tangy taste and dizzy haste
to stuff my face and wipe the trace
of juice that squirted up my nose;
Of all the citrus fruits serene,
Orange, Lime, and Tangerine,
the One to Beat (O Noble Fellow)
Is the One that’s Large and Yellow.

RMC July 1992, erroneously attributed then to E. Fruitbat of the Texas Grapefruit Growers’ Association.

I thoroughly enjoyed this poem, but must dispute the final two lines. Clearly there has been a typographical error, and it should read “the One to Beat (O Regal Buddy) / Is the One that’s Large and Ruddy.” Oh, and the first two lines as well should probably have red: “O, Noble Sphere of Lustrous Scarlet / Sparking Thoughts both Virgin and Harlot”.

Grapefruit even provoked a young, stuttering and therefore almost completely silent James Earl Jones to find his voice again. So, among grapefruit’s other achievements, without this remarkable fruit clearly star wars could never have been.

Despite all the grapefruit genuflecting, I felt like nothing on the internet quite conveyed my own perspective, so I sat down to write one more ode to grapefruit:

Twenty-seven ruby grapefruits fill my fridgerator.
Certain proof at last of an intelligent creator.

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1 Comment

  1. susan said,

    I like them cut in half
    I like eating them peeled in my Lexus
    I like them any way at all
    As long as they are ruby reds from Texas

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